Dating and Relationships: Dating After Divorce

By Kim Truman

Okay, it’s time to put the past behind you, and retrain your brain and change your attitude toward positive aspects, such as a fresh start and new opportunities and experiences. I know, I know…Easier said than done!

Going back into the dating scene is a nerve racking experience, but try to look at it as an adventure. If you are recently divorced or recently broken up from a relationship, shifting your mind back to dating is a process in itself. Ugh! We must do it no matter how challenging it may seem. First, make sure you have taken the time to heal and get over the wounds of your past relationship.

Taking the time to heal is vital. After a breakup, please do yourself a favor and have some alone time, time to heal and regroup before moving on to another relationship that will only mask the pain you are feeling. You will most likely repeat the same mistakes, hurt more and not personally grow your inner strength.

After a breakup, many women will also swear off men or become bitter towards men, life and love. Don’t become bitter. If you do, you are only hurting yourself, depleting your energy and squashing your outlook on life. Life is way too precious and short to be bitter. Like I mentioned, take the time you need to recover and focus on your healing. You will know when it’s time to jump back on the dating train.

Make a list of your core values and what you would like to find in a partner. Write down qualities you like about yourself and what you want to share in your next relationship. The clearer you are about your wants, needs and values, the clearer it will become as to what you are looking for in a relationship. (This can be a good exercise to do with your friendships, too.)

Ask your friends if they have anyone to introduce you to, join a gym, visit a museum, or participate in events in your community that interest you. Get out there! The more you put yourself out there, the more comfortable you will be in your “single” skin. Practice small talk with a positive attitude and pass no judgment on people you meet. Be open-minded. Chat with people and get to know them. Interact with others in society. Be friendly – a small smile and “hello” can do wonders for your social life and your soul.

Reach out to friends and socialize. Get out of your “poor me” routine/ being alone routine. Reach out to friends and go have lunch, have dinner, go to the movies, go on walks, go to the gym, visit a museum…the possibilities are endless. Just make the effort and you will see positive results. Break your routine, catch up with your friends, enjoy new experiences. You will open up your heart and expand your life to share it with new people, places and things. You never know what opportunity is waiting for you. So, get off your sofa and rub off that sad pout. Break your old routines, and find new and positive activities that will bring a smile to your face.

Make note of this dating tips:

  • Take the time to get to know someone when you first meet. Give someone a chance.
  • Be smart and cautious if you are not meeting someone through a family member, co-worker or a friend.
  • Do not have sex with someone until you are comfortable and really know them. Respect yourself and your body.
  • Make sure you take your own car on the first few dates.
  • Let your family or friends or someone close to you know where you are going or who you are with. This sounds paranoid, but you can never be too careful.


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